Like a Prayer - A Trick for Dealing with Kids

Te Fiti via Pinterest

There are people I follow for advice on navigating this world and there are people I follow for advice on parenting. Sometimes the two intertwine. Martha Beck is the ultimate teacher and I think I've read everything she's ever written. I've also read books by Gabby Bernstein and other "self-help" authors. Bernstein wrote a book called The Universe Has Your Back and her social media messaging is all about surrendering to a higher power for help. For parenting-specific advice I look to experts including Janet Lansbury and others.

Janet Lansbury has a trick for dealing with kids when they're angry, frustrated, sad, winding up or melting down: She literally imagines herself donning a superhero suit equipped with a protective shield that deflects irritating outbursts. She explains that this envisioning helps her to step out of herself and gain a clearer perspective. (More here.) I try to keep Lansbury's seemingly silly tool in the back of my mind, but I don't always think of it. And sometimes, I'm realizing, I need a different tool. A tool that relieves me of power and responsibility vs bolstering me up.

The other day I was trying to get my almost-two-year-old Mia down for a nap. Her nap time is everything for me during a work day. While she's napping I can actually get work done and not be interrupted as much. (My older daughter Liv doesn't nap but is of course much more independent.) When Mia is down I can loosen up from being on high alert and feel less worried that someone is going to bang her head on a glass table or fall down stairs. I'm usually feeling pretty haggard by the time Mia's nap time rolls around. And super ready. So when she pushed back and very sweetly insisted on playing "more, more" I had to put my foot down. She resisted more and I had to carry her, kicking and screaming, upstairs to her room. I bribed Liv to be a helper but Mia still wouldn’t have it. She wiggled out of my grip, refusing to let me change her diaper and get her ready for bed. I became increasingly impatient. I was at my wit's end and I almost lost it.

Almost! I started, half-kidding, saying things like "Lord please help me. Give me strength." To which Liv gave me her own opinions on God (and Gods) including, "Te Fiti is a God." I surrendered. I gave up. I leaned on The Lord or Te Fiti or the Universe. And a wonderful thing happened. Mia complied. For me it felt good, in that moment, to not have to be in charge. It was a relief to feel, even for a second, like I didn't have to figure it all out, handle everything, be the grown up. It lightened the mood. I stopped trying to force. I gave up, asked for help, and received it. As Gabby Bernstein says, the Universe has your back.

Hopefully the Universe will help with the bedtime routine, too. :)
AES