Don't Let Go

It feels like fall. The leaves have started turning, school has already started, but I'm still in summer mode. August was a busy month and I'm still relishing some special memories.

I went to a reunion at my childhood sleepaway camp. It was my second time back since "graduating" when I was 14. Camp was such an impactful, magical time for me. I started when I was only eight years old after begging to go. My parents' marriage was crumbling and my brothers were already away each summer at a boys camp. I wanted to go, too.

My summer camp was all girls, tucked away in Maine on a beautiful, glistening lake. I made best friends who were like sisters to me. We did tons of activities: campfires, hikes, sports, arts & crafts, ceramics, silver, nature, etc. My favorite of all was waterskiing. I slalomed and even joined the ski team, competing against other camps.

Five years ago when I first went back to camp for a reunion, I was on cloud nine. It felt glorious to be back. I was also excited to get back on the water. I figured I'd easily slalom again; I even attempted to go doubles with my friend Lindsay. No dice. I couldn't get up on one ski. Lindsay and I collided. I had to settle for two skis, solo. It still felt great to waterski but I was disappointed in my inability to do something I'd once thrived at.

Fast forward to this summer. My friends and I were back at camp, doing all the things. Come waterski time I was waffling between trying to slalom again or just go on two skis. I was feeling nervous about getting up at all. I was spooked from last time and my confidence was shaken.

Waiting my turn on the dock, I sat next to my girlfriend Amanda and vented about being super nervous. I had always looked up to Amanda. She was in an older bunk when we were kids. She was the coolest always. She was nervous, too, but was going to go for it and try slaloming. I was inspired; I wanted to be brave like Amanda.

When it was my turn I plopped into the water, one ski on. I held my arms straight, bent my knees and leaned my body back. I let the boat pull me up. SPLASH. I couldn’t do it. I fell into the lake, defeated. Then it was time to give it another go. As the boat pulled back around I asked the counselor at the wheel, where did I go wrong? “You let go,” he said. That was it. I hadn’t held on. I was scared, and I let go. During the next attempt I didn’t let go. I felt a little wobbly at first, but I got up! I felt bold, capable, free. I looped around the gorgeous lake on one ski, having the best time.

AES, CP Waterski Team