Thirtysomething

It's my birthday week. I don't know if it's my age, or my children that are rapidly aging me, but I feel like I'm officially getting.. older. College feels like five minutes ago, but it's not, at all. I feel a bit in limbo still, at least in some areas. I'm back at blogging, but I haven't yet published anything substantial. I'm about five years into my career at a tech company and I'm crushing it, but I don’t see my kids enough, and I'm trying to break into a more creative (and flexible) position there. I'm a newish mom. I'm raising little women. But I'm still growing into a woman myself. (Cue the Britney.)

I'm at an age where professionals like doctors and pilots are sometimes younger than me. Many people around me - working in restaurants and shops, walking to pick up their Sweetgreen during the lunchtime rush - seem super young. Peers are CEOs and leaders in their fields, my brilliant Hubs included. Meanwhile, I feel stunted in my writing career. Bestselling novelists are younger than me. Phoebe Waller-Bridge is slightly younger than me. Sometimes I feel like - what have I done, in my career? Then I buck up. I find inspiration in writers who started at all different, later ages. Frank McCourt, Toni Morrison and Laura Ingalls Wilder, to name a few.

I'm realizing now is the time to get after it. There won't be a better, less busy or more opportune time. I don't need more school or some special person's approval or prodding. I just need to hunker down and write. And realize my own gifts and expertise. All while raising my babies and doing my best every day. Even if that means feeling like I'm failing, losing it and having many moments I regret. I'm working on having compassion for myself. I'm human. I also keep it together, and keep my family functioning in the most loving environment. 

It's both terrifying and freeing that we're the grownups, and we're totally winging it. (Well, not doctors and pilots, I hope!) Life is not always linear. I have to pinch myself sometimes. Look at this family we have made, Hubs and I. We did this. I did this. I have "accomplished" so much. I thank my lucky stars every single day. Even if my first book is still forthcoming...

Here's to another trip around the sun,
AES