Identity Crisis
Apparently I'm having an identity crisis. Working on the bio for my new website, I became stumped. Do I include my current city of residence? It doesn't really define me. In fact I often feel I don't fit in. Sure there are other young families here in Hoboken, NJ, but I rarely socialize with the other parents here. I work in NYC during the week. On weekends I'm usually with my family insulated in our own little world, either trekking back into the city or seeing family and friends in the burbs, or traveling. Or if my hubs has to work and I'm alone with my girls, I'm simply surviving and typically too disheveled and exhausted to make new friends. And if I'm really being honest, I'm not sure I want to spend my little free time getting to know new people. I miss my old people who I rarely get to see. It doesn't help that these old friends hate coming to Hoboken. Yes, it can be a schlep. And sometimes Hoboken can feel more Jersey Shore or college campus than young thirty-something destination. On Sunday mornings youngins wait in lines snaking around bars to watch football. On other dreaded designated "holidays" like Santacon or St. Patty's some kids might be peeing or puking on the sidewalk. It's not the prettiest sight. I'm in a different phase of life. The last line I waited on was for a kids Beatles concert at Brooklyn Bowl. Don't get me wrong, I feel grateful to live in this quaint city overlooking the Hudson River, but it doesn't feel very me.
Of course a city doesn't define someone. (Although I do feel most at home in the West Village.) I'm home when I'm with my family: my hubs and our two daughters Liv and Mia. I'm also working on feeling at home with myself, enjoying my own company, being enough. I'm always working on myself and working at feeling OK. To that end I'm focused on being mindful and trying to be present, especially when spending time with my loved ones. Motherhood is proving to be my greatest challenge and my greatest gift.
What else "defines" me? I'm a voracious reader, a wannabe writer, a full time sales professional and a part time student (taking a writing workshop, an online poetry class, whenever I can muster the energy). I'm a dormant yoga teacher, a sporadic jogger and a wellness enthusiast. I appreciate fashion and I often feel compelled to "do errands" but I don't enjoy shopping. I love going out to dinner and drinking wine. I don't cook. I'm a neat freak although you'd never know it. People think I'm laid back although my husband and therapist know the truth. I overthink everything. Even my bio.
AES