Aim for yes.

Moana

My firstborn is five. Holy moly. My life pre-kids seems like a long time ago, a whole other world. I certainly was a whole other me before having Liv. I could go on and on about how she changed me in the most profound ways, and how incredibly lucky I am to have this beautiful (inside and out), bright, kind, thoughtful person as my daughter. I already have, in many posts. Here I want to quickly touch on something I'm focusing on, my new mantra when it comes to my kids: Aim for yes. 

I first saw "Aim for yes" on Cup of Jo, a blog I've read and loved for years. Blogger Joanna Goddard wrote:

"The idea is that there are certain rules kids need to follow — say, try hard at school, be respectful to others, go to bed at bedtime, eat the odd vegetable, etc. — but outside of that, if they want to try something out, just say yes...

My knee-jerk reaction is sometimes to say no — I mean, just hop in the bath, just drink your milk — but then I think: why not? If it’s not hurting anyone, and they find it exciting or enticing for some reason, who cares?"

I am regretful to say that my knee-jerk reaction is usually to say no. A lot of Liv's requests seem to warrant a no: wearing a skimpy sleeveless dress out in the cold, watching more TV, watching TV that isn't "educational," staying up late, eating stuff that isn't real food, AKA "crap." Hubs thinks I can be uptight. He says yes to everything. He doesn't need to aim for yes, he needs to chill with the "anything goes" attitude. Or - does he? Like Goddard said, "if it's not hurting anyone, and they find it exciting or enticing for some reason, who cares?"

I'm trying to care less. We had a family get-together for Liv's bday and my sisters-in-law kindly got Elsa and Moana costumes as gifts, which Liv opened at the party. She is Disney heroine obsessed. She couldn't wait to put on her new outfits, especially the long, shimmering Elsa gown. I demurred. I didn't want to deal with opening the package, getting her changed, having the dress drag and get dirty at the outside party. I thought it would be better to play dress-up after our guests left. Let her galavant around the house. I said no to an outfit change, but Liv persisted. Finally, after lots of pleading, I gave in. Liv wore both her Moana and her Elsa costumes at her party. She stepped outside and announced herself after each wardrobe change. She positively beamed. I winced, having delayed those special moments. But I was also grateful I had come around. Now I just need to practice aiming for yes from the get-go. Not making every kid request an unnecessary battle. After all, Liv is five now, she knows what she wants and she's actually quite reasonable and thoughtful about things. As always, she is teaching me a thing or two, daily. She is her own person, and I want to trust her wants and whims, as much I can. 

Case in point: The day after Liv's b-day party she came down to the kitchen for pancakes, her hair in a massive tangle, as always. Now that I am fully supporting her love of princesses (see - I am making progress ;), I tried to use it in my favor. I said, "Let me brush your hair. Princesses have brushed hair," to which Liv retorted, "I'm not that kind of princess."

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